Alright? I’m not too bad, cheers. My name is Neil Sutherland and I'm in the sixth form at Rudge Park Comprehensive. I have no idea how I passed enough GCSEs to get in, but I'm well glad I did because it's a laugh most of the time and a doss and beats the shit out of working I reckon. That looks well hard. A mate of mine is a panel beater and he's always well knackered in the evening.

I live with my sister and my dad. My dad hasn't got a girlfriend at the moment. To be honest he hasn't really had one since my mum left, but that don't mean nothing. And he's probably too busy with badminton to get one anyway. And he could get one.

I am definitely ready for a relationship, but I'd like to get it right. I'd like it if it was a bird from Nuts or Zoo, nothing too fancy just like a High Street Honey. That or Miss Timbs from school. She is sick. I've had so many wanks over her I feel a bit like she's my girlfriend. But she isn't, worse luck.”

— Neil Sutherland, Profile